


Day 4: The Soul

by Tsukuyomi_chan



Series: Buddyfight 30 Days [4]
Category: Future Card Buddyfight
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Funerals, Gen, Mikado family fluff, Mikado family pain, Slow recovery, gao copes in the absolute worst way, i tried to write fluff and this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 15:05:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4791815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukuyomi_chan/pseuds/Tsukuyomi_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The befores and afters of Youta's funeral. Clips of Gao coping with realization, loss, and weakness all caused by his brother (all caused by himself). Pre-series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day 4: The Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I tried to write fluff this time, but anything with Youta in it was going to end up painful so let’s just go with that then. Have some Mikado family pain pain pain. Remember how Gao lost? Remember how Gao’s currently suffering? Let’s rub some salt in that wound.

The first night Youta was moved to the hospital, Gao was seven and Hanako disappeared before Gao’s mom could tuck her in to sleep.  Everyone panicked, naturally.  Gao’s mom was hysterical, searching up and down the house for her while his dad helped search and helping her calm down.  Even his grandma seemed a bit worried, and set down her tea cup to help look around the house.  Gao didn’t know what to do other than wander around, yelling for Hanako to come out and waving a plate of takoyaki around, hoping it would attract her.  He resisted the urge to eat them himself.

Gao’s mom was just about to call the police when the phone rung.  She picked it up frantically, nodding to whatever the other side said.  When she put the phone back down, she looked at Gao’s dad and said “Hanako ran off to the hospital.”

That was probably the fastest his dad had ever driven a car in Gao’s life. 

Around five minutes later, they had burst into Youta’s hospital room, with Youta looking at them in surprise and Hanako curled up next to him on the hospital bed, fast asleep.  His dad picked up Hanako in his arms, with his mom looking too relieved for words.  “She ran five blocks at night all the way here without telling any of us…” His dad mumbled, as his mom checked over Hanako to make sure there were no cuts or bruises or scrapes.

When Gao asked Youta if he knew why, Youta replied, “Because I didn’t get to tell her the magic charm to make night creatures stay away.”               

* * *

 

When Gao was little, some classmates at school had showed him a horror movie trailer, and then he had stayed under Youta’s blanket for the entire afternoon once he got home, claiming that if he got out, the night creatures would get him.  Youta then chanted some magic words, claiming that it would keep them away for the night.  It became a tradition for Youta to cast magical protection on him, and eventually Hanako, every night.  Gao had been growing out of it lately, but he guessed Hanako still needed the assurance.

“What if I tell you the magic charm every night?”  Gao suggested, the next day when they went to visit Youta again.

“No!”  Hanako protested.  “Gao-ni-chan isn’t magic enough!  It has to be Youta-ni-chan!”

“By the time it’s time for you two to go to sleep, visitor hours are already over.”  Youta said.  “Can I tell you the charm a bit earlier in the day?”

“No!  Then the charm will wear off by nighttime and the night creatures will attack!”

“How about I do it over the phone then?”

“No!  Then you’ll forget and then you’ll leave me and Gao-ni-chan alone!”

“I promise I won’t forget.”  Youta said.  “Hanako, I’ve never broken a promise to you.  I won’t forget.”

Hanako looked like she wanted to object, but after staring at Youta, she nodded.  “Every night!”

“Every night.”  Youta agreed.

So Gao and Hanako waited in the living room every night, watching the phone and waiting for it to ring so that they could get their protection from Youta and go to sleep safely.  It would all be fine, Youta would be out of the hospital soon, and they could go back to making pillow forts and telling stories and having sleepovers.

Gao overheard his mom talking to the doctor about the surgery Youta would need, and although his math wasn’t the best, he was pretty sure a 10% survival rate wasn’t good. 

* * *

Six months later, Youta hit critical condition, and Gao continued to sit with Hanako as they waited.  It was an hour after the usual time he called, and their mom brought them a blanket so that they could lie on the sofa warm while they waited. 

“Youta-ni-chan sure is late.”  Hanako mumbled, snuggling up to their mom wrapped up in the blanket as she yawned again, her head drooping.  She kept pinching herself on the arm to make sure she didn’t fall asleep.  Gao did the same.  He yawned, then drank his fifth glass of apple juice in hops that it would keep him awake. 

“Maybe you two should go upstairs to sleep.”  His mom suggested gently. 

“No!”  Hanako shouted.  “I’m waiting for Youta-ni-chan!”

“Hanako, your dad and grandma are sleeping─”

“Youta-ni-chan is going to call!  He promised he would!”

Gao also wanted to stay up and wait, but not for the charm.  He wanted to hear his brother’s voice, hear his brother promise that it would all be fine, that nothing would go wrong tonight.  He had seen a light in the back room where his dad and grandma were talking quietly and not sleeping too.  They were all worried.

 “Hanako, please understand, your brother’s going through a very important operation tonight, and he can’t─”

The phone rung, and Gao’s hand pressed the answer button a second later.  “Mikado residence.”  He said, his voice shaking.  He pressed the speaker button so that Hanako would stop trying to steal the device away from him.

_“Hey, Gao…”_

It wasn’t supposed to sound like that.  His brother’s voice was hoarse and quiet, and it shouldn’t have been like that.  His brother should have been happy and strong and at home with them.  _“Why are you still up at this hour?  Shouldn’t you and Hanako be asleep?”_ Youta joked.

“You said you wouldn’t break your promise, Youta-ni-chan!”  Hanako said.

 _“And I didn’t.  I won’t.”_ Youta said, laughing softly.  _“I’m calling you right now, aren’t ?.  It’s alright, Hanako.  Go to sleep.  Nothing’s going to hurt you; me and Gao are there with you.  Mom and dad and grandma are all there with you.  You’ll be fine.”_

Hanako nodded, but looked like she wanted to disagree.  She snatched the phone from Gao.  “You’d better come home so that we can have another sleepover!  You need to read to me bedtime stories!  You still need to show me and Gao-ni-chan the next Mighty Sun Fighter comic!”  She yelled into the phone, clutching onto it so hard Gao thought it was going to break, and bringing it close into her chest.  “I miss you, Youta-ni-chan.”  She whispered so quietly Gao almost missed it. 

 _“Yeah, I do too.  I miss you too.  I lent the latest comic to a friend of mine, but don’t worry, he promised to return it to soon.  So go to sleep, Hanako.  Soon the sun will rise, and you’ll go on with your life just fine.  I’ll always protect you and Gao.”_ She passed the phone back to Gao, and that might have been tears Gao saw, then turned and exited the room.  _“Gao”_

“Yeah.” Gao said.

_“Remember the Mighty Sun Fighter?”_

“Yeah.”

_“Never forget, the sun burning in your heart.  The Mighty Sun Fighter is inside of you, whenever you choose to open up to it.  You and Hanako can do anything you two want.  I promise you two will be fine.”_

“Yeah.”  Gao’s throat hitched.  “Yeah, I got it.  We’ll make you proud.”

_“That’s good.  Maybe next time, I’ll teach you how to buddyfight.”_

“Yeah.  You told me how you have this super rare, super strong card!  You have to show me, so come home soon!” 

 _“Alright.  Goodnight, Gao.”_ Youta paused.  _“You’re going to be so much when you get older.  Keep your head up and burn bright.  You’ll be a great Mighty Sun Fighter.”_

“Yeah.”And Gao nodded and got up off the ground to go to sleep, but he didn’t want to leave yet, he didn’t want to leave Youta yet.  He didn’t want to go until his brother promises to come home, since his brother has never broken a promise.  His brother was super kind and understanding and strong and had never done a bad thing to another person if he could help it.  His mom shot Gao a look, and he exited the room but paused before going up the stairs.

Yeah, Youta never lied.  He said he was going to give them the next copy of the Mighty Sun Fighter comics.  He said he would teach Gao how to buddyfight.  He never lied.  Gao’s legs felt weak and he sat outside the door, waiting for his brother to promise to come home.  Youta would definitely be honest with their mom.  He’d promise everything would go fine, and his mom would demand that it did, and things could go fine, because both his brother and mom said so.  Gao just wanted to hear a promise. 

 _“Mom, are you still there?”_ Gao heard his brother say.

His mom’s voice cracked.  “I’m here.”

 _“I’m scared.”_ It was the first time Gao heard his brother say anything of the sort, with his voice all quiet and cracked as if he had been crying.  _“I’m scared, mom.  I want to go home.  I want to eat grandma’s takoyaki and do homework with dad and train with you and play games with Gao and Hanako.  I’m so scared, mom.”_

It’s the first time he heard his brother sound so desperate, so sad, so afraid.  It’s the first time he remembered his brother wasn’t an invincible sunshine, that this wasn’t just another phase in their lives where nothing would change afterwards.  His brother was human, and Gao felt ashamed for it taking him that long to realize.   _“I love you, mom.  I love you and dad and grandma and Gao and Hanako.  I love our house and I love this city and I love my school.  I never got to go to that university you wanted me to get into.  I never got to travel the world.  I never got to go to my middle school entrance ceremony.  I wanted to do so much, mom.  I’m so scared…”_

And his mom was crying.  The woman who once took out twenty thugs while still holding a sleeping baby Hanako in her arms was crying.  The strongest person he knew was crying.  “It’ll be alright sweetie, it’ll be alright.”  She whispered into the phone.  “I love you, we all love you.  You’ll be home before you know it.”

Gao listened to his mom continually repeat those words for who knows how long, before his dad walked by and took him upstairs.  They got ready for bed, and his dad tucked him into bed and turned off the light.

“Dad,” Gao whispered before his dad could exit the room.  “Why did Youta-ni-chan have to get sick?  Why couldn’t it be someone else?”  He didn’t want someone else to go through this pain, but it seemed so unfair that it had to be Youta.  “What did Youta-ni-chan ever do to deserve this?”

Gao couldn’t see his dad’s face in the dark but he remembered the sound of his dad crying in the back room.  “I don’t know, Gao.”  His dad said.  “I don’t know.”

* * *

 

 _“We’re very sorry.”_ Gao wakes up to those words outside his door.  He can hear his mom and dad crying again.

There’s a pain in his chest.

 

* * *

 

Gao is nine when he loses his brother.

The funeral is short and brief, just the way Gao thinks Youta would have liked it.  His mom is crying again, and this time both his dad and grandma joined in.  Gao refuses to cry.  He needs to be strong for his family, for Youta.

He takes one look at his brother’s face and bursts into tears.

Youta is sleeping peacefully in the casket, looking no different from that day the three Mikado siblings had a sleepover in his room and fell asleep on the ground.  Youta is smiling, and Gao thinks his brother’s soul must have gone off to the absolute best part of heaven, since nothing else would have been good enough. 

Hanako’s screaming when the adults start to close the coffin, and his mom hugs her as hard as possible to stop Hanako (and maybe herself) from running forward, and his dad joined them in the embrace, clinging to each other.  Gao needed to be strong for them.  He continually tries to wipe away his own tears, and stop himself from joining them.  He needs to be strong.  The Mighty Sun Fighter would have been strong enough for his entire family.  He needed to become strong like that.

He isn’t strong like that.  His eyes burn with tears and his body shakes and seeing the coffin disappear into the ground reminds him that it’s actually the end.  There’s no more sleepovers with Youta, no more bedtime stories by Youta, no more good luck charms by Youta, no more eating ice cream in the hot summer heat with Youta, no more building snow people with Youta, no more training with Youta, no more comforting words from Youta, no more Youta, no more Youta.  No more Youta.

No more Youta.

 _“It’s alright, Gao.  You’ll all be fine.”_ Gao hears, and feels someone hug him, and he’s grateful for the comfort and security because if it wasn’t there he’d probably be right there with his mom and sister.  He cries too hard to see who it is, but it feels incredibly warm.

Later, when his dad asks why he didn’t go up to the rest of his family, he tells them there was a nice person comforting and hugging him at his spot.  Both of his parents seem confused. 

“Gao,” his dad says, “you were standing by yourself the entire time.”

* * *

Gao focuses on Aikijujitsu more than ever.  He tells Hanako and his friends at school it’s because a big tournament’s coming up, but his mom looks at him and seems to know immediately.  All he needs to do is focus on the opponent in front of him, and that heavy reminder that Youta isn’t there to cheer him on during his matches would disappear slightly.

Only ever slightly.

So he keeps focusing harder.  He fights harder and more often, until he was picking fights with bullies at school more and more.  It wasn’t as if he didn’t stand up to them before, but now he would go out of his way to find any sort of reason to be able to fight someone.  Gao eventually came home with a black eye, and his mom forbade him from any sort of fighting outside of the dojo.

So Gao keeps training harder and harder.  He could never beat his brother in a fight.  He’d go down, then they’d laugh, and Youta would help him up and tell him ‘next time’ and they’d eat after practice takoyaki. 

There is no next time.

Gao trains harder.

If Gao keeps winning, it means that he’s strong.  If he’s strong, then he wouldn’t end up like Youta.  There has to be some reason why Youta was gone, and the only reason Gao can think of was that he wasn’t strong enough.  Youta was strong, but he had only gotten third place in the last Choutokyo Aikijujitsu competition.  If Gao could be stronger than Youta, it meant he wouldn’t end up the same way.  If Gao keeps winning, it would prove that he had become stronger.

If he’s winning, he’s strong. 

All he has to do is win.

All he has to do is keep winning.

Gao focuses harder, and he keeps winning, and he feels great.  He barely notices his mom frown at him when he forgot to bow after a match, and soon forgets about that too.

It’s the morning before another training session in the Mikado dojo, no different from any other.  Gao goes to the kitchen for a drink of water and to ask his grandma to make some takoyaki for after the session for him to eat, like usual.  When he asks, his grandma hands him the glass and frowns.  But his grandma is usually caught up in her own business, so its no problem.  Gao downs the water in a few seconds, sighing in satisfaction at the liquid.

“You’ll never reach Youta like that, fighting until your bones break and your soul cracks.”  His grandma says, and Gao almost drops the glass as he stares at the tiny old woman.  She just smiles back.  “Do you think Youta would have wanted you to obsess over winning like this?”

Gao just puts the glass back down on the counter and walks out of the room without reply.

Everything comes into perspective again with those words.  That’s right, he had first started obsessing over winning because of Youta.  But Youta doesn’t matter.  He’s the one winning.  He’s the one who’s strong.  Youta doesn’t matter.

Gao steps into the ring and faces his opponent, another trainee.  It’s just a trainee, barely a challenge.  He almost laughs.  The kid looks his age too.  But Gao is nowhere near trainee level.  He is so much better than that.

He’s been improving these last years.

The fight starts.  The strikes are easy to avoid.  It’s too easy to tell that this kid hasn’t practiced proper footwork.  Gao steps left, then right, parries a strike to his head upwards, slids back half a step to step out of range of another.

He’s gotten stronger.

Gao sidesteps another and doesn’t bother trying to attack.  Let the kid go at it for a while, the loss was inevitable anyways.  He wants to try out that new technique he had read about.  A strike to his left, and Gao makes sure he lines up his feet in the right position, leaning down slightly in preparation. 

He would keep winning.

Gao pulls a feint and grabs the other kid’s front, moving his foot back to trip the other and slams the kid on his back to the ground with a twist.  He hears a loud and satisfying smack when the kid hits the ground hard.

He’s stronger than Youta now.

The kid starts snivelling on the ground.  Gao knew it, this was just another trainee with no experience.  “Don’t cry, you just lost because you’re weak.”  He says, watching the kid continue to cry.  It was just one loss, what was the big deal?  There was no need for his opponents to get so sad over one loss.

He knew that type; he had seen it in the beginning tournaments.  The kids who just started because their parents pressured them, or the ones who thought they were already the strongest.  The ones that got the most upset over one loss, yelled something rude, and then marched out of the arena never to be seen again.  The kids who would cry and cry over one little loss to try and get pity from others.  They just needed to practice more to get stronger, and then they’d win a few matches.  If they quit so easily, it meant they didn’t care as much about it. 

“Are you alright!”  One of the outer observers from another dojo says, rushing over to the kid.  It was just another weakling crying over a little bruise, there was no need for panic.

“I think his wrist is broken!”

The kid’s wrist is broken.

Gao broke the kid’s wrist.

Gao hurt another person.

It feels like Gao’s the one who’s been slammed into the ground. 

People get hurt in this sport all the time, but those are accidents.  But this was an accident too.   But it was his fault.  It was still an accident, but it’s his fault.  His mom had told him that move was something only for emergencies, not something to be used on a sparring partner.  He watches the kid get escorted away, watches the other people fuss around, and his heart sinks into the ground.  There’s no mistaking the whispers around him and the disappointment on his mother’s face.

But, he hadn’t even flipped the kid that hard… He just wanted to try out a new technique… He didn’t mean to…

He feels a hand on shoulder and a whisper in his ear, stopping his trail of thought.  _“That’s enough, Gao.”_ The voice says.  _“You need to take responsibility for your actions.”_

He broke the kid’s wrist.  Gao is ten when he purposely hurts another person for the first time.  If it had been Youta, this would have never happened.  His brother would have never gotten so caught up that he would have hurt his opponent.  His brother would have never disrespected a person so much to not care what happened to them.  His brother would never be standing alone after a match with disappointment oozing around him.  He’s nowhere near as strong as his brother.  All of those people he had fought who had gotten upset over one or two losses, they still got up afterwards. 

Youta is dead.

Gao hurt another person on purpose.

There was no need for his opponents to get so sad over one loss; what a joke. 

Gao’s the one too obsessed over one loss.

* * *

Gao is eleven when he finally asks Hanako on one hot summer day, “Why did you stop asking for Youta-ni-chan to say the magic charm every night?”  They’re sitting on the front porch and eating popsicles as the electric fan is pointed their way, keeping them cool only slightly.  Gao has soda-flavoured and Hanako has peach-flavoured and they share a vanilla between them, just because otherwise Youta’s popsicle would have melted into the ground and that would have been a waste.  He couldn’t remember Hanako complaining that Youta wasn’t going to protect them at night after the funeral.  It might just be because he had been too caught up in himself, but recently he hadn’t heard it either. 

“I knew.”  Hanako says, after finally finishing her popsicle.  “I knew for a long time there were no night creatures.  But every night Youta-ni-chan would come by and say good night and protect me through the night, so even if there were night creatures, I was never worried.  Youta-ni-chan promised to protect us, and he did.  I’d hold onto this, and it felt like he was still there.”  She grips the sun pin in her hair that she had received from Youta a long time ago.

Gao’s little sister had been coping with the loss better than he had.  He feels both proud and ashamed.

“Youta-ni-chan told me that you were a dense bonehead.”  Gao gives her a look in protest and Hanako laughs.  “You act all big and strong and tough, and you keep forcing yourself to keep going and ignore what you’re doing to yourself.”

Hanako leans over and licks Gao’s popsicle.  He yells in surprise, and she takes the opportunity to steal the treat entirely.

“Hey, Hanako!”

“I don’t like that kind of Gao-ni-chan.”  Hanako says, chewing on the bit of his popsicle.  “I don’t care how many tournaments you win!  I don’t care how many people you beat up!  I like it better when you read stories and play games with me!  I like it better when you’re smiling with others, not when you’re doing it alone!  I like it better when you’re respecting the people around you instead of ignoring them!”

She stands up, the popsicle stick falling to the ground forgotten.  “Gao-ni-chan, you’re not Youta-ni-chan.  You’re not the Mighty Sun Fighter.  Youta-ni-chan isn’t here anymore, but I don’t intend on forgetting him, or everything he’s given us.  He’s protecting us, even now.  Gao-ni-chan, you’re just too dense to notice stuff like that!  You can’t just ignore everything that makes you sad!”

Hanako runs back into their house, leaving Gao to clean up the popsicle sticks and his thoughts.

* * *

Gao moves forwards slowly.  He stops his obsessive fighting habits, apologizes to all of his classmates and past opponents, and tries to talk with people at school again.  It feels good to notice other people again.  It’s a little step, but it’s a step.  He thinks Youta would have appreciated it. 

He’s somewhat friends with Omori Baku and Uki Kuguru at school, and is on okay terms with Kodou Noboru.  It’s not a lot, and he shies away from many others out of fear of the same thing happening again, but he has something now.  Baku and Kuguru are good company, although they preferred each other to him.

Gao walks home along with them, arguing with Baku about some question on the math test.

“It’s 180!  You have to move the two and switch the sign!”  Gao shouts.

“I’m telling you, that’s not how it works!”  Baku shouts back.  “Expand the equation first!”

“The light’s green, we have to cross.”  Kuguru says, and she is ignored.  She huffs, then crosses before then.

“Your tiny brain wouldn’t understand how to do a problem like that!”  Baku yells.  “Tell him, Kuguru!”  He turns to where Kuguru used to be and sees her across the street, then begins running to catch up with her.  “Aw come on, Kuguru!  You could have told us we could cross…” 

He runs forwards to catch up with Kuguru, ignoring her screaming, and then Gao realizes the light’s already red and traffic resumed and there’s a giant truck with its headlights only on Baku, and Baku stops in the middle of the street to stare at it.

“BAKU-CHAN!!”

“BAKU!”

And the headlights blind Gao and all he can feel is Baku’s back on his hand, pushing Baku forwards.  He’s in the middle of the air, and already used all his momentum on Baku, watching the other tumble out of the way slowly.  Too slow.  But Baku’s out of the way.  He’s right in the middle of the path of the truck.  Done in at the age of twelve, just like his brother.  It was almost ironic.  He could remember near the beginning of his fighting obsession disaster, he had believed that if he got stronger enough, he wouldn’t die pitifully like his brother.  And here he was.

It wasn’t too bad of a life though, Gao figured.  He had been an okay big brother to Hanako, and had a great big brother himself.  He had the coolest mom, the nicest dad, and an amazing grandma.  He even got that sixth place medal in Choutokyo for Aikidojujitsu, and they had the largest celebration party after that.  Gao smiled at the memory.  He and Youta had been messing around and got covered in takoyaki sauce.  Hanako had been laughing so hard milk came out of her nose.

 He really had depended on just his family for a long time.  He should have tried to make more friends.  The fighting obsession disaster had ruined all the connections he had to his classmates, although he had Kuguru and Baku now.   He was happy in his final moment he was able to do something for his friends.  “Youta-ni-chan, I’m okay now.”

 _“I’m glad that you’re happy and helping others again.”_ A voice, the voice from a year ago, says from behind him and Gao feels a hand on his back.  _“But it’s not time for you to join me yet.  You still have so, so much to do.”_

He’s shoved roughly from behind, right out of the way of the truck, falling flat onto his face on the curb and tumbling half onto the sidewalk.  The world feels hollow, and he can barely hear Baku and Kuguru screaming above him, in surprise, in happiness, he didn’t know.  His entire body is shaking.  He feels his hand scrape the pavement as he lifts it to check on his face, rocks and dirt covering his palm.  His cheek is bleeding from the scrape when he fell.  There’s also a hole in his right shoulder where he hit the ground.  His chest heaves as he breathes heavily.  He’s starting to feel the pain all over his body, hearing Baku’s continued shouts above his body, Kuguru screaming into her phone for help.

He’s alive.

“Youta-ni-chan…”  He gasps out, remembering the warmth on his back.

* * *

Gao is twelve when he enters Youta’s room again.  He hadn’t even realized he had been avoiding it until he crashes headfirst into the doorframe, with his head finally clear of thoughts of winning and nothing else.  He couldn’t remember if his mom or dad cleaned it out or if they had left everything the same.  Maybe he’d just take a peek.  He reaches for the doorknob.

Or maybe not.  He did have a lot of homework to do after avoiding it for so long.

But maybe just a peek…

He really had other stuff to do.

Just a few moments wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Gao trips on his own foot after constant walking back and forth in front of the door.  His face smacks into the door and he finally decides that’s enough torment, it’s time to go inside.

It looks the exact same as he remembered it.  The poster of the Mighty Sun Fighter above the bed, the crudely drawn picture of their family by Hanako framed on the desk, the sun-print blanket and the textbooks piled in the corner.  He almost expected Youta to appear in the doorway and laugh and ask him what he was doing there.  Gao would laugh, and come up with some bad excuse like needing help on his math homework.  Which wasn’t exactly a lie, but Gao just didn’t want to do his homework.  They’d go downstairs, call out Hanako, and the three of them would play board games or cards or something of the sort. 

Oh yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

Something compels him to look into Youta’s closet.  He’s twelve years old now, and he’s caught up to Youta’s age.  Maybe some of Youta’s clothes would fit him.  He slides open the doors and sees the neatly hung shirts. 

He finds the Mighty Sun Fighter costume his mom made buried under some of Youta’s old shirts, and his throat freezes up.  It’s bright and colourful and despite being abandoned in a drawer, and Gao can still feel Youta’s warmth on it.  Youta had loved it, but had gotten hospitalized too quickly afterwards to ever get a good chance to wear it around.

_“Never forget, the sun burning in your heart.”_

Youta had been the sun.  He had wanted Gao and Hanako to be the same, bright and shining in everyone’s lives.

Gao’s hand tightens around the jacket as he feels tears spill from his eyes when he lets himself remember that Youta’s truly gone.  Youta is gone.  This is all that remained, plus his memories.  Gao had ignored that, forgotten that, and done something inexcusable as a result.

Tears drip onto his jacket, and he almost drops it in shock, shoving it back into the drawer.  That kid whose wrist he broke had cried.  He hadn’t noticed how many of his opponents had been crying after all he cared about was winning.  He hadn’t become stronger at all.  He hadn’t cared about others at all.  He hadn’t tried to be kind or lead anyone forwards.  He had completely forgotten about the Mighty Sun Fighter, about Youta’s memories and wishes.

He had really messed up.

_“But you realized your mistake.  And you’re making up for it.”_

He would move on.  It wouldn’t do any good pretending it didn’t happen; he trying that was what caused the whole incident.  He could do things right this time.  Gao takes the jacket out of the drawer out again, smoothing out the creases he made when he shoved it rudely away as a sort-of apology.

It’s out of curiosity more than anything else, but Gao decides to put on the jacket.  It fits perfectly, as if he’s worn it his entire life.  It smells like his brother.  Gao laughs at the thought.  He probably looks ridiculous.  Gao walks over to the full-length mirror in the corner of Youta’s room and almost falls over in shock when he peers into it.

He looks just like Youta.

No, not just like Youta.  His face is all wrong.  Plus his hair is different, but that doesn’t matter.  Youta would never wear this jacket with a frown.  Gao pushes at the sides of his lips, trying to lift them into that sunshine-like smile Youta always had on around them.  All he succeeds in is looking ridiculous.  Gao bursts out laughing at the face he was making in the mirror.

It’s fine.  He’s him.  He’s not Youta, and he won’t ever be.  And that’s fine.

Gao lost his brother.  That was a part of his life, and so was everything else.  It hurt, but it didn’t mean he had to stay hurt forever.  He didn’t need to forget about it to move on.  The precious little things Youta had left for him, it was stupid for him to try and forget about them.  The memories of Youta would always be there to support him.  Youta always kept his promises.

“Thank you for saving me, Youta-ni-chan.”

_“Thank you for surviving, Gao.  If it’s you, you might be able to become the Mighty Sun Fighter.”_

The jacket feels warm.  “The sun burning in my heart will become the strength for me and the people I care about, right?”

He would get stronger, actually stronger this time, so that he wouldn’t lose anyone close to him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:  
> 1\. Oh man, I hope I pulled off the emotional feeling right. It’s a bit inconsistent, but I hope it’s alright.  
> 2\. I hope the irony’s there and clear. If you didn’t pick up on it, please read some of Gao’s internal advice and ranting and apply it to the him right now in the anime.  
> 3\. I might write a sequel covering Gao’s current development in the anime some time later (probably not any time soon though, I will try my best)


End file.
